Berhabuk

 Fuhhhhh 

lama betul berhabuk blog ni,

last  post masa Anan meninggal pastu hidup haywire, byk benda berubah.

glad blogspot still ada.

hampir lupa ada ruang tempat meluah.

ok.

dengan ini, i will starting to blog again.

mihihihi!

Ruang pink

2023

If i could fly.

I think i like you since forever.

Its more like someone that i comfortable with.

Someone that i can share my thoughts with.

But since forever pun i know that i will never be the one, the special one,

I just push away the thought of liking you.

And ya,there goes so many years.

I think i like you since forever.

But we never crossed each other's path.

You and my best girlfriends.  always been the reason,

And until now,i keep keeping every excuses 

So that i can avoid having unnecessary feelings.

Keeping the excuses so i can deny.

Keeping the boundaries so i can talk to you like we always did.

I maybe blunt.

Because im taking care of others feeling and mine especially.

And 

I dont think i am attractive enough.

Cantik always attracts people.

No matter what.

Still

Anan,

Your passing is real,

And so, the struggles,

The struggles and pain of losing you,

It's been almost 3 months,

But the heartache is still there, 

Still there,

I live well, and been missing you as well,

I hope you are doing well too.

Love,

Nik.

IF I

Aku pun tak tahu,

Sebenarnya perasaan ini apa?

Are we having mutual feeling?

Or maybe we are not.

Im too scared to admit the unsure feelings.

It might be different tomorrow.

But

Why i feel that is so sudden,you treated and texted me differently.

We texted each other everyday since a week now.

That is way beyond usual. 

Kau lebih telus memuji,

Lebih jelas berkata tentang perkara yang aku ingin tahu.

And why do i smile everytime your text popped?

"It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday"

"It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday"

How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad.

I thought we'd get to see forever
But forever's gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

I don't know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through.

If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth all the wait
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

Pain

After I came back from Japan,

The week was very rough.

Sampai I don’t feel like going to work.

That is so not me.

I’m not feeling well,

Sampai I ambil halfday mc on Wednesday.

I went to EJ, makan ubat and tidur sampai petang.

Teman aina berbuka puasa kat CRS Aeon.

The next day I took that sleepy pill because I wanted to sleep, I was emotionally disturbed.

I’m not used to not telling you stories about my trips.

It burden me on the inside.

And I feel the boys of tilljannah tu, ignored me as well.

Its been an emotional week I would say.

Dengan kerja banyak tak siap, salah, kene marah.

Not up to expectation,

The emotions were at negative par.

………..

Then I decided to end the week right.

I leave all the works,

Go back home on Friday.

And rest.

On the Saturday, I met Lisa, go to Omar’s wedding,

Tea time with aina and padil.

And later that night I had dinner with Puterianz.

I did spend my Saturday with people I love.

On Sunday, we finally meet up for badminton. Bila jumpa main badminton, okay je.

The feeling yg tak best tu semua hilang.

Then, I went to Yasmin Mogahed talk with Umi Nadia, ainul, syafika.

It was a short talk, but there are wisdom words on losing someone you love.

.

I need to learn not to suppressed my pain because of losing you in this dunya.

Suppressing delays healing process.

Because this separation is indeed temporary. Until we meet again yang.

And I know this is something that worth all the pain.

I know the pains and the struggles are real.

And I need to learn to stop having feeling for my feelings.

Its overthinking.

And I realised that I were stressed over unnecessary things.

My weekend was full of wonderful people.

Wonderful feeling.

I’m going to put my life back on track.

I promise to live well.

Live happily

And live on the right path.

i miss you, still

Three weeks.

I miss you

Still.

Even more.

Semalam nik dgr lagi kau sahabat kau teman sejati by hijjaz

Lagu tu kita selalu nyanyi time kat asrama.

I never tot nik nyanyi lagi tu utk anan.

First word lagu tu je air mata nik mengalir laju

Laju sangat.

And nik nangis teresak esak while driving.

Nik tau,semua ni bukan senang

But this aint got any easier.

I would say,the first 2weeks  since you left were easier than today.

It's getting tougher.

For the past one week,I had difficulty to sleep early

Nik tido pukul 1-1.30 and I cried to sleep

I wake up at 5.30 and siap siap pergi kerja.

Its been tiring anan.

How I wish I can talk to you.

…..

I miss you,

I wont stop praying for you too.

Haritu Anan cakap its okay tak jumpa hari hari,

Tapi hari hari jumpa dlm doa.

I’ll keep that in mind.

…….

Love,

Nik